Know why I hate facebook? Because all those things my parents said to me when I was in high school, which I now say to my own teenager, “most of these people won’t matter to you in ten years” or “your only gonna have to deal with this for the next four years” or “in the grand scheme of things…” — well I believed all that bullshit and then suddenly Facebook comes along, I get sucked in and than I find myself feeling 16 and vulnerable and anxious and worried about who my real friends are and whose going to try to steal my boyfriend this week so I end up blocking people who I didn’t like in high school and who I certainly don’t want looking at my profile now that I’m thirty-something or, even worse, I find myself accepting friend requests from people who didn’t give me a whiff when we went to school for four years but now they somehow want me in their “network” because now they’re a “goody-two-shoes-mom-of-the-effin-year” and they somehow want to post things about raising money for their breast cancer walk or the class of ’92’s upcoming reunion!
Do I sound bitter much?? I suppose so…because my insatiable appetite for virtual people watching somehow keeps me going back for more! In moments of great courage I go thru my friend list and “UNfriend” people who, in “the grand scheme” of things, really shouldn’t matter to me anymore. I congratulate myself on being able to press that “confirm delete” button and at the same time I feel like a complete jerk for letting my teenage angst creep into my (supposedly) finally comfortable, adult ego.
The truth is, I still maintain relationships with the people that DO matter from that time of my life, and I keep in touch with them enough to know what’s going on in their lives today, so why did I have to go and mix it up by creating a facebook account? The answer is simply, because I’m curious — I can’t help myself. I wanna believe that we all turned out to be better adults than teenagers, better Mother’s and Father’s than anyone could’ve anticipated — that we are all as successful as we should be, and that we’ve all somehow evolved into wise, loving, courageous people. Even if that courage means not accepting a particular friend request, or hiding someone’s posts, or not saying something nice about people’s posts or pictures just for the sake of saying something. It’s not about ill-will so much as it is about being comfortable in my own skin Today at Thirty-five and knowing that I just don’t need to revisit who I was at fifteen or sixteen — when I thought I knew it all.
Don’t get me wrong, as soon as I’m done typing this out, I’m sure I’ll be logging on to my facebook account.